He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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