I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
