whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
