no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How does one acquire holy water?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
