I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
