Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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