all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
