my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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