The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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