i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
