I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
