One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
