My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
