Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
is that a dick in a sweater?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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