WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
