"it" just moved
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
