Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
