it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
