Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
