I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
