I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
