Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
