so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
