Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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