Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he shaved USA in his pubs
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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