Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
