Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
