I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The feeling are messing with the penis
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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