Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
