so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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