i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
