whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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