So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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