I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
