My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
