ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
