Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
