Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
