i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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