Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
