Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
