i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my being single is dangerous.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
