I just saw a hot homeless man
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
