Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
