This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
