She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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