Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
