Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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