You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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