Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
